My Six-Month Marriage Is Falling Apart and I’m Thinking About Seeking a Dissolution
She married the man she’d dated for three years at 43; he is 54. They weren’t living together, they lived about 40 minutes apart, but they made the arrangement work until a sudden courthouse wedding a month after he proposed. Now, six months into marriage, she’s posting on Reddit asking if she’s the a**hole for wanting a dissolution.
The post reads like a raw, heartbreaking snapshot: the person she thought was kind and attentive has turned distant, he moved into her house after the wedding, and he’s contributed barely anything toward living expenses despite her making roughly double his income. She’s scared she’s about to be financially and emotionally burned, and she’s asking the internet whether it’s time to walk away.
The timeline and the specifics: what u/GoldGingher actually said
According to the original post by u/GoldGingher, the couple dated for three years but didn’t live together. He proposed in August and they did a courthouse wedding a month later. He then moved into her home because he had been renting. She reports that he hasn’t contributed to any bills yet; he paid most of the Christmas gifts for their combined kids and helped with groceries a few times, that was supposed to be the arrangement until they merged bank accounts. She says he “really shuffled his feet” on joining accounts, and two weeks after the accounts were combined he still hasn’t changed his direct deposit to the joint account. After the merge, she says his behavior changed dramatically: minimal household help, less sensitivity toward her, and he brought a large dog that sheds everywhere. They had started premarital counseling before engagement with a lovely older couple, but when issues came up at a recent session, he refused to attend and she went alone. These are her words and impressions, she’s desperate and wondering if she should “throw in the towel already.”
Money, control, and the red flags couples ignore
Money is not just numbers; it’s power in relationships. Readers were blunt: combining finances while concerns are unresolved is a massive red flag. Top commenters on the Reddit thread hammered this home. One of the most upvoted replies warned, “DO NOT COMBINE BANK ACCOUNTS if you are already having issues unless you want to split half of everything when this goes south.” Another pointed out the practical timing: if she wants a dissolution, now is probably the time before assets are more entwined, and that in many places a very short marriage reduces risk of long-term alimony. Other users advised specific steps she could take: move funds back to separate accounts, reverse direct deposits, and contact an attorney. The pattern is familiar: someone who seems to “switch up” after the ring, test boundaries, and lean on the partner who built the home and earns more.
Emotional labor, household expectations, and the silent erosion of care
Beyond money, the poster described a loss of tenderness. She said he was once “kind and sweet” but has “lost a lot of that sensitivity toward me.” Commenters empathized with that sting: many wrote that after getting what they wanted, some partners stop doing the emotional work that made the relationship feel safe. The upkeep of a home, the small daily kindnesses, and shared responsibilities are where relationships live, and she’s feeling the absence. The added friction of a high-shedding dog in her house became symbolic of this imbalance: he moved in and brought a mess that she now has to manage, while he keeps his schedule, finances, and effort separate.
Counseling, boundaries, and the refusal to participate
One of the most painful details is that they started premarital counseling before engagement, but at a recent session when she wanted to bring up current problems, he refused to attend and she went alone. That refusal to engage in therapy after problems become real is a heavy signal. Several commenters framed this as a non-negotiable: if someone won’t try to work through issues in counseling, you’re often the only person trying to save the relationship. Many Redditors recommended insisting on joint therapy or moving toward separation if he won’t participate, and to document the refusal as part of the record if she decides to dissolve the marriage.
What readers said: blunt advice, tough love, and practical steps
The thread’s reaction was overwhelmingly practical and unsparing. Some commenters told her outright: “Get out now. This is who he really is,” warning against waiting for him to revert to his pre-marriage behavior. Others accused him of opportunism, one suggested he’s essentially treating her as a “meal ticket.” Several posts used legal framing: file for dissolution while the marriage is still short, don’t give him access to half of everything, and speak with a lawyer. A few offered empathy and strategy: reverse the direct deposit, move money back, limit joint account use to a single shared bill account, and document contributions and refusals to participate in counseling. The top responses mixed practical legal caution with the emotional validation she needed to hear: you’re not imagining this, and you don’t have to accept being taken advantage of.
What To Take From This
This situation is painful because it’s both intimate and practical: someone who once felt loving can become distant, and the fallout hits your wallet and your daily life. If you’re in her shoes, start by protecting your finances and your sanity. Pause any big joint financial moves, consider reversing direct deposits and moving money out of shared accounts, and consult a family lawyer about local rules on short marriages and asset division. Insist on joint counseling or a separation if he refuses. Document everything, bills, conversations, missed shared responsibilities, because facts matter when relationships become legal matters. Finally, listen to your instincts: consistent disrespect and refusal to engage are not “bumps” to be waited out forever. You deserve partnership that is reciprocal, not transactional. If the other person won’t meet you there, it’s okay to choose your protection and peace.
