My Cheating Husband Wants Me to Drive Him to a Vasectomy So He Can Date Younger Women, I said No, Now He’s Calling Me “Heartless”
When your soon-to-be-ex tells you he wants a vasectomy so he can “date younger women” without worrying about pregnancy, there’s a lot more than a medical appointment on the table.
A woman on Reddit, 52, posted that her 56-year-old husband asked her to drive him to his vasectomy appointment while they are still living together and in the middle of a divorce. She refused. He called her heartless. The thread blew up, and if you read through the details, it’s easy to see why so many people were furious on her behalf.
Here’s what actually happened, according to the post
The poster, who goes by u/Vfact, explained that she and her husband are getting divorced because he was constantly on dating apps. He told her he was “addicted” and “can’t stop himself.” The poster says she is the breadwinner, she pays all the household bills, while he covers only his own expenses like his car and phone. They still live together because he hasn’t saved enough to move out yet. Then, one morning, he told her he wanted to schedule a vasectomy and asked her to drive him to the appointment.
She told him no and called the request “extremely insensitive.” He argued it’s a medical procedure and that he’d be in a lot of pain. Her response was blunt: she said the procedure is for him to avoid pregnancy scares so he can “*u younger women”, a line she wrote and later said out loud. She added that if anything else had been going on she would have taken him, but given the context of his behavior and their breakup, she refused. After she mentioned the younger women, she said she told him to “beep off.” She also clarified in edits that she owns the house (bought it before dating him), they have no children together, and he has three children from prior relationships.
Why so many people called him entitled, and why the timing matters
On the surface, a vasectomy is a routine outpatient procedure and people often need someone to drive them home. But actions don’t exist in a vacuum. Redditers pointed out that asking your still-cohabiting spouse, the woman who’s paying the bills and ending the marriage because you cheated on dating apps, to be your post-op chauffeur is tone-deaf at best and emotionally manipulative at worst.
Commenters used the blunt language the situation calls for. u/Vivid-Win-4801 wrote that the vasectomy would allow him “to go boink other females without the worry of getting them pregnant” and told the OP to tell him to “gfh.” u/gregaustex urged her to give him 30 days to get out once the divorce is final, calling the whole thing “hilariously awful.” Those responses reflect a larger consensus: when someone is ending the marriage, you don’t get to keep sponging off her goodwill while actively using dating apps, and you certainly don’t get emotional labor on top of that.
How Reddit reacted, a chorus of “NTA” and schadenfreude
The post drew thousands of upvotes and more than a thousand comments, with the near-universal verdict: NTA (Not The A**hole). People mocked the husband’s fantasy of younger women swooning over a man who can’t even pay for his own lifestyle; u/Embarrassed_Hat_2904 quipped, “Yeah, young woman love older men who can’t even afford to pay for their own lifestyle.” Another commenter, u/nursepenguin36, laughed at the idea and said he lives in “de-lu-lu land.”
Some responses were practical with a bite: “What comes next: You should drive him to dates?” asked u/NixKlappt-Reddit. Others suggested the poster enforce her boundaries, drop-off at a shelter after the procedure, or insist he arrange his own rides and post-op care. The tone ranges from darkly comic to outright angry, but the thread reads like a group of friends telling a woman she’s right to stop doing favors that enable a partner’s selfish behavior.
The deeper picture: financial and emotional labor in messy breakups
What makes this sting isn’t just one dismissive ask, it’s the pattern. The poster says she supported most of the household financially while he spent his time chasing younger matches. She calls the relationship emotionally and financially abusive in a later edit, and says seeing the comments made her feel more certain about the divorce and hopeful about better days ahead. That kind of slow erosion of self-worth is common in long, unequal relationships. Being asked to drive your abuser to a procedure that facilitates their dating life is a pretty clear red flag.
There’s also practical unfairness. She owns the house and bought it before dating him, so he won’t get it in the divorce, and they don’t share children. He’s asking her to provide care at the moment he’s clearly prioritizing his own wants over her dignity. That’s why so many readers found her refusal not only reasonable but necessary self-protection.
What Women Are Taking From This
If this story landed with you, here are some clear, usable takeaways. First, setting boundaries is not mean, it’s essential. You don’t owe caregiving to someone who has betrayed your trust, especially when they’ve made clear they’re prioritizing their own dating life over your dignity. Second, protect your finances and living situation: make a clear move-out timeline, change passwords to shared accounts if needed, and document contributions and expenses. Third, don’t be cowed by guilt trips about “medical procedures.” A vasectomy often requires a ride home, but that ride can come from a friend, a family member, or a paid service, not a person who should be emotionally or physically recovering in your care while you’re still reeling from their cheating.
Finally, lean on your people. The OP said the Reddit responses helped her realize she’d been in an abusive pattern and gave her hope. That’s the real power of saying no: it protects your energy and can spark the start of reclaiming your life. You can be compassionate without enabling. If you’re ending a marriage and someone tries to push your boundaries, even under the banner of “medical needs”, trust your gut, prioritize your safety and financial security, and don’t feel guilty for refusing to be the fixer for someone who made the mess.
