Family Tensions Rise After One Woman Chooses to Cut Off Her Father and His Affair Family
The Reddit poster, an 18-year-old woman, laid out a family story that reads like the classic hurtful fallout of an affair. Her parents’ marriage ended when she was eight after her father had an affair and impregnated the other woman, who later became his second wife. The poster says her two older siblings were 11 and 13 at the time and were aware of the affair before she was; they told her what had happened because they’d overheard adult conversations. The affair resulted in a fourth child, born when the poster was nine, and the father married his affair partner once the divorce was finalized.
From the start the relationship with her father’s new family was fraught. The poster describes going to her father’s house every two weeks as part of 50/50 custody arrangements and feeling miserable there. Her older siblings reportedly fought with their father constantly and, once they turned 16, were able to stop visiting because their mother took custody back to court and the judge listened when the teens were asked about their wishes. The poster says she didn’t show anger as openly then because her oldest brother warned that their father might blame their mother if they did.
Why she waited, the custody tug-of-war
The poster explains the complicated calculus behind her choices. She wanted the judge to see that her feelings weren’t being manipulated by her mother, which is why she waited until she was older to ask the courts for the same freedom her siblings got. She tells us the “only reason I waited so long was I wanted it to be harder for dad to get custody of me because a judge believed mom was the reason for my feelings.”
When she finally asked to stay with her mother, the court granted it, and she says she ended most contact with her father that day. But because she was still a minor, there was a period where she says she had to keep some contact “open just to be safe.” During those last weeks at her father’s house, he allegedly tried everything to make her want to stay: orchestrated “family fun days,” bought lots of stuff, and had his child make things telling her she was a great big sister, all moves the poster views as attempts to guilt or manipulate her into maintaining the relationship.
Graduation tickets, public blame, and the blowup
The conflict reignited when the father asked why he couldn’t get tickets for him and his family to the poster’s graduation. The poster asked her mother to be honest; her mother initially told the father he must have been too late for tickets. The poster says she told her mom it was okay to be honest, so her mom later told the school she didn’t want them to sell tickets to him. That decision set off a chain reaction.
According to the poster, the father went to his extended family and painted a different picture: he blamed the mother for “poisoning” the children against him and accused her of coming between the sibling relationship. The poster says some relatives attacked her mother and accused her of destroying the family bond. That’s when she stepped in publicly to defend her mom.
She defended her mom, and the relatives fought back
The poster says she told her father’s relatives that her mom had nothing to do with her feelings about the father or his new family. She insisted she had known about the affair since childhood and that her siblings were the ones who told her, not her mother. In her own words reported on Reddit, she told them, “if they wanted someone to blame, blame the guy who cheated and made a baby with someone else while married to his children’s mother.”
That direct defense did not land well with everyone. The father’s relatives, the poster says, were “kinda mad” that she rushed to defend her mother while publicly severing ties with her father and his child. They argued the affair and the divorce “has nothing to do with” her, and some asked how she could ignore her half-sibling. The poster’s response was blunt: she said she doesn’t love or claim that child as a sibling. Her older siblings backed her up and told the relatives to leave them alone if their goal was to convince them to change their minds.
How Reddit reacted, validation, outrage, and a few practical reads
The original post drew supportive responses from many commenters. Top replies included straightforward NTA verdicts. One commenter, u/Square-Football-872, wrote, “Nope! I personally don’t think you’ve done anything wrong here, its your choice and he should’ve known not to cheat if he didn’t want you all to choose your mother over him.” Another commenter, u/Reasonable-Soup-2142, summed it up: “Nta, your dad cheated and has consequences, he can’t have his cake and eat it too.”
Other responses leaned into the emotional betrayal and the practical realities of being a child in that situation. u/wolfvonbiele93 suggested the father might have been raised in a culture that protects him from consequences, writing that it’s understandable the poster “defended your mom” and that the family’s blaming of the mother is misplaced. u/hellomynameisrita pushed back at the idea that the children were uninvolved, saying, “A father’s behaviour has everything to do with his kids,” and arguing the father’s decisions legitimately affected the whole family.
There were also softer notes of empathy: u/dawn_nori acknowledged how difficult the poster’s situation must have been and praised her courage for standing up for herself and asking her mother to advocate for her in court. Practical commenters reminded the poster she doesn’t owe the father or his family anything, including his relatives, and that it’s fully acceptable to set boundaries, including not speaking to paternal relatives if she chooses (as u/PequalsRIsquared mentioned).
What To Take From This
This story is a raw snapshot of how infidelity spills over from two adults into the lives of children, creating loyalty battles and long-term resentments. A few practical takeaways stand out. First, children and teens are entitled to set emotional boundaries; choosing to distance oneself from an adult who hurt the family is a valid, sometimes healthy response. Second, courts don’t always make simple decisions; the poster’s strategic wait to present an uncoached preference in court shows how serious and nuanced custody decisions can be.
Third, when extended family takes sides, it can feel like reliving the original betrayal. The poster’s defense of her mother, and the backlash she got, is a reminder that loyalty and truth-telling in family disputes often make people uncomfortable because they disrupt narratives some relatives prefer. Finally, support matters: the Reddit community’s largely sympathetic reaction shows many people see children in these scenarios as victims of adult choices, not as responsible for smoothing over those choices.
If you’re in a similar situation, you don’t have to accept someone into your life to be polite. You can be clear, calm, and firm about your boundaries. Seek trusted allies, siblings, a counselor, or a lawyer, to help you navigate custody and family conflict. And if relatives try to blame the wrong person, remember the right to tell your story: you are allowed to speak the truth about what you experienced and to protect your emotional well-being.
