One Person Confronts Their Mom for Not Revealing a Scabies Diagnosis Sooner, Saying ‘I Found Out After I Got It Myself’
Imagine waking up to dozens of itchy bumps and realizing you and your partner might have caught something unpleasant from a loved one who never told you. That’s exactly what Redditor u/rapiuwu69 (22F) posted about: she and her husband started getting itchy bumps, and only after she mentioned calling the doctor did her mother drop the bomb that the family had scabies “a couple months back.”
The mom laughed. The poster and her husband were left scrambling to figure out when the exposure happened, whether they needed to bother a doctor right away, and how to process the fact that someone they trust kept quiet about a contagious condition.
How the sequence unfolded, the details matter
The original poster explains that her husband had been dealing with painfully itchy bumps for over two months. He tried everything, changing food, soaps, detergents, trying to rule out allergic or environmental causes. Then, about a week before she posted, she woke up with the same small itchy bumps. She called her mother to mention calling doctors, and that’s when her mom casually said, “oh. I didn’t want to tell you, but we had scabies a couple months back. We know you freak out if you know someone is sick or something so we didn’t tell you,” then laughed.
Because the family lives elsewhere and she only visits occasionally, timing was crucial. The OP had been home at the beginning of February, and when she texted her sister, the sister said her daughter had scabies at the beginning of February, which could line up with the OP’s visit. Her mother, though, claimed not to remember exactly when they had it and insisted they weren’t in town when the OP visited. The uncertainty led the couple to delay a doctor visit temporarily: they were trying to decide if their exposure had been recent enough to require immediate treatment or testing, especially because medical care was a cost they couldn’t take lightly.
Money, timing, and the hard practicalities
One of the most human parts of this story is the financial context the OP shared in an edit: she and her husband are newlyweds working part-time and doing freelance work with less-than-great insurance, so they wanted to avoid an unnecessary doctor trip if they hadn’t been exposed. That’s why confirming the family’s timeline mattered beyond pride or blame. It was a practical question about whether to spend limited funds on diagnosis and treatment.
When the couple finally saw a doctor, the update confirmed the worst: the OP received a diagnosis of a mild case of scabies and was prescribed topical treatment and anti-itch creams. They went full containment, plastic drop cloths over furniture, mattresses and pillows in trash bags, a messy, humiliating, expensive-feeling reality that made the secrecy sting even more.
The confrontation, the texts, and why it blew up
The OP says she and her husband texted the family asking simply that they be told next time. Her husband tried to be measured: “we’re not upset we just ask that you tell us next time,” he wrote, explaining how a contagious condition can disrupt work and school. But the mother’s earlier reaction, laughing and dismissing the OP’s tendency to “freak out”, is what pushed this into emotional territory. The OP felt betrayed, not because she wanted to shame anyone, but because being left in the dark cost them time, money, and peace of mind.
Commenters on the post reacted strongly. A top comment bluntly said, “NTA. Scabies isn’t a secret, it’s a biohazard. Her laughing about it is the worst part,” while others echoed that sentiment, calling the mother “horrible” and insisting people have a responsibility to inform anyone potentially exposed. Some added practical notes, scabies can live on bedding, carpeting, and clothing and requires home treatment in addition to topical meds, amplifying the poster’s frustration that the family hadn’t taken steps to notify her.
What strangers on Reddit felt and why it resonated
Most of the top replies sided with the OP: NTA. Users pointed to the sheer irresponsibility of withholding information about a contagious infestation and the emotional betrayal of the mother’s flippant attitude. One commenter said they’d “be homicidal” if someone knowingly exposed them to scabies, a dramatic but telling reaction that captures how violating scabies feels. Another framed it as a health-and-safety issue, especially since scabies can require treating everyone who was in contact with the infected person and cleaning the whole house.
There was also pushback from a few corners, some questioning why OP didn’t “hold her more accountable” or demanding a stronger confrontation. But the OP explained that she’s close to her family and didn’t want to burn bridges over one mistake; she wanted them to simply do better next time. That restraint itself drew more sympathy than criticism in the thread.
Why this hurts more than it might seem
Beyond the physical discomfort and the literal gross-out factor, this story lands because it taps into trust and boundaries in families. When a parent hides a health risk because they’re trying to avoid conflict (“we know you freak out”), they deny adult children agency over their own bodies, jobs, and finances. The OP’s husband had spent months trying to self-diagnose and adjust their life around unexplained symptoms; when a simple heads-up could have eased the burden, the silence felt like negligence.
There’s also the emotional labor of navigating family dynamics: the OP loves her family and doesn’t want conflict, yet she rightly asked for transparency going forward. That balance, wanting to protect the relationship while holding others accountable for basic courtesy and safety, is what made many commenters empathize with her rather than condemn her for “confronting” her mom.
What To Take From This
If there’s a takeaway, it’s both practical and relational. Practically: if someone in your circle has a contagious condition, scabies, lice, ringworm, tell people who may have been exposed so they can make informed choices about testing, treatment, and work or school obligations. That’s not scaring someone; it’s basic public health and respect. Relationally: be honest about boundaries. The OP and her husband asked for a simple promise: “tell us next time.” That’s a fair expectation and an example of how to respond to hurt without escalating into drama.
There’s also a reality check about money and access: healthcare costs changed this from an abstract annoyance into a real financial decision for this couple. If you’re the family member with an illness, remember your silence can impose hidden costs, emotional and monetary, on people who trust you.
Finally, you don’t have to weaponize every misstep, but you can ask for change. The OP confronted her mom, kept the relationship intact, and protected her household. That’s adulting in 2026: being firm, practical, and human about the messy parts of family life.
