I’m Thinking About Confronting My Pregnant Friend for Taking Too Much Food From My Baby Shower and Now I’m Wondering If I’m Going Too Far
Imagine planning a small, meaningful gesture, bringing containers so the people who helped you set up and your immediate family can take home leftovers, and then watching it disappear into someone else’s shopping bags. That’s exactly what the original poster (u/Proof_Pop9433) says happened at her restaurant brunch baby shower. It wasn’t just an inconvenience; it was personal.
The food was meant for people close to her, and by the time she tried to gather it, none of those people, including her and her husband, had any. Now she’s wondering whether to message her pregnant friend Jessica (who left with a stack of containers) about it, and Reddit had a lot to say.
What actually happened, according to the poster
The poster organized a buffet brunch at a restaurant. The venue suggested bringing containers to take home leftovers, so the poster’s mother bought a bunch from Costco. The plan was to divide leftovers among immediate family and a few close friends who had helped set up. At the end of the shower the restaurant packed everything and left it on the back bar where the buffet had been, and the poster says they didn’t tell guests to take anything.
She noticed Suzanne (a friend of her mother-in-law) and Jessica (her friend and pregnant at the time) with multiple bags full of containers. She didn’t say anything in the moment because a few other guests had grabbed single containers and she was busy saying goodbye. A friend later told her she saw Suzanne and Jessica in the elevator leaving with “bags and hands full” of containers. By the end, everyone she intended to get the food, including herself and her husband, got none.
The poster also reports this isn’t Suzanne’s first time. She says Suzanne previously pulled Tupperware from her purse to take leftovers at another baby shower and did the same with a charcuterie spread at a New Year’s party, and both times people told her to stop. The poster describes Suzanne as very frugal but not in financial need and worried that Suzanne’s behavior might have influenced Jessica. Complicating things, Suzanne and Jessica gave a generous gift to the poster, so calling them out feels messy.
Why this feels like more than just “missing food”
On the surface it’s about containers and brunch. Emotionally, though, it’s about expectation, fairness and boundaries. The poster planned those leftovers for helpers and family, people who were literally investing time and energy into celebrating her. When the intended recipients walk away empty-handed, it undercuts the meaning of the event. There are also family dynamics at play: Suzanne is a friend-of-mother-in-law, Jessica is the poster’s friend and pregnant, and the people involved gave a generous gift. That creates cognitive dissonance between gratitude and resentment, and that friction is what makes this so raw.
How Reddit reacted, blunt, practical, and unsurprisingly divided
Top comments leaned heavily toward labeling the behavior rude and warning the OP not to expect a satisfying confrontation. u/Equivalent_Lemon_319 wrote, “That’s rude and I’m surprised no one has said anything before,” capturing the sentiment that Suzanne’s pattern makes this predictable. Several people suggested the long-term answer is to stop inviting the culprit to events, a practical boundary many found reasonable, “Just stop inviting her,” said u/SpecificCommittee249.
Other commenters urged against messaging now. u/Azsura12 warned that bringing it up later “will look petty” and can be spun multiple ways, but offered a middle-ground: message about getting containers back and be direct, “I would send her a message about getting the containers back.” Some were harsher: u/doubtingthomas51i called the behavior theft, and u/Impossible-Pay-6641 said messaging “won’t do anything” and suggested calling people out on the spot if it happens again. A few commenters criticized the OP for not speaking up at the time; u/KiriYogi said the OP lacked a spine and should practice standing up for their kid even before parenthood.
Should you message Jessica? The practical pros and cons
There are real downsides to messaging now. Several Redditors noted a late text can seem petty and will likely be deflected. The pregnant friend can point to the generous gift and argue generosity offsets awkwardness, or claim she didn’t realize the food was reserved. That said, if your goal is simply to recover the containers (which may still be in use), a short, factual message asking for their return is low-risk and keeps the focus on property, not character.
If you decide to message, keep it calm and specific. A suggested approach: thank them for the gift, explain what the containers were for, and ask if they’d mind returning the containers because they were intended for family and helpers. Avoid accusatory language or public shaming, because that tends to escalate and offers little repair. If you want a template, Redditors recommended the exact ask: “Hey, I noticed a bunch of the containers from the shower left with you. Those were meant for immediate family/helpers. Would you mind returning them? Thanks!” Short, factual, and tied to the original plan.
Better boundaries for the next event
Whether or not you message now, you can prevent a repeat. Several commenters suggested simple operational fixes: instruct the restaurant to hold leftovers behind the counter and not place them where guests can help themselves; have staff hand portions to designated people; make an announcement before the event ends that leftovers are being divided for specific people; or appoint a family member to watch the packed boxes and hand them out. If someone has a history of taking extras, consider not inviting them to casual events or, if you must invite them, prepare a firm plan and an on-the-spot script so you don’t freeze when it happens again.
On the interpersonal side, weigh your relationship with Jessica. She may have been following Suzanne’s lead and not intended malice. If the friendship matters, a gentle return-of-containers ask preserves the relationship while asserting your boundary. If it’s part of a pattern, either with Suzanne or Jessica, disinvitation is a reasonable boundary that many Redditors endorsed as the eventual consequence for repeated behavior.
What to take from this
This feels like a tiny, avoidable injustice, but it’s also a test of what you tolerate and how you set boundaries. You’re not only protecting food, you’re protecting the meaning of your celebrations: who they honor and who benefits. The most useful path is practical, not performative. If reclaiming the containers is important, ask calmly and specifically. If your goal is broader, to prevent future entitlement, change the logistics of leftovers and adjust your guest list. And if you find yourself constantly worrying about other people’s behavior at your events, that’s a signal to set firmer rules and teach others what you expect.
