I Called Child Services After My Stepkids’ Dad Blacked Out While Watching Them and Now Everything Has Spiraled
It started like a normal afternoon: school pickup, snacks, and the usual debrief about the day. Then the two kids, ages 12 and 13, told a story that made the OP, a step-parent, freeze. The Reddit post, written by u/monaarts on r/AITA, lays out a nightmare scenario: the kids came home and said their dad had “drinking some sort of weird alcohol” that left him with red dots around his lips and mouth, that he “passed out, fell into the wall,” and that there was “a huge hole in the wall.”
They added that he then showered, slept the rest of the night, and spent Sunday confined by severe diarrhea, so much so that he “got crapping in his pants all night and all Sunday”, while his new girlfriend, who the kids told the OP is fairly new in the picture, watched them until dad recovered.
That’s the story the OP posted in full, asking: would they be the jerk (WIBTA) if they filed a child services report? The post is blunt and anxious: the mother is exhausted from prior battles with the family court, the father has a history of substance misuse and troubling behavior, and the OP is worried the kids were left in a dangerous environment. It’s an intimate, raw slice of family life, and it landed on a classic tension point: when to escalate to authorities versus when to try to handle things within the family.
The details matter: what was said, and why it’s alarming
The OP spells out more than just “dad was drunk.” She notes that the father drinks and smokes pot routinely and that he has a documented history of poor alcohol management. The post cites a particularly shocking line: while the couple were together, he allegedly sexually assaulted a “friend,” which the mother says was part of the reason for the divorce. The OP also remembers a social media post from last year in which the dad asked for help after breaking a bottle of alcohol at home, a small detail that, in retrospect, feels like another red flag.
From the kids’ telling, the night in question wasn’t merely “a bit tipsy.” They describe visible physical symptoms (red dots around and in his mouth), a blow to the wall when he fell, and days of being effectively unwell and unconscious. They were old enough to report these details and to say their dad’s girlfriend stayed with them for more than a day while he was incapacitated. For the OP, who says they drink in moderation when caring for their own children but never to the point of being drunk, hearing what the kids described crossed a line.
Family fatigue and legal frustration make the decision harder
What complicates everything is the legal and emotional exhaustion the mother reports. She and her ex share 50/50 custody, and the OP says her wife feels like the court never helps, that going back and forth to legal fights is expensive and pointless. Because of that, the wife is reluctant to file yet another complaint. She’s tired, wary of legal fees and delays, and afraid this will go nowhere.
The OP isn’t willing to simply stand down. That’s a classic family tension: one parent wants to protect the kids at all costs, the other is burned out by the system. Money stress, time, and the emotional toll of reliving past trauma from the divorce are all present, and they shape the decision about whether to contact child protective services.
How Reddit reacted
Though the thread only had a couple of upvotes and about ten comments at the time of this writing, the top responses lean heavily toward action. Several commenters called the OP NTA (not the asshole). One user, u/Saatyre, tried a brief devil’s-advocate angle, noting that if the girlfriend was capable and present, it “could be ‘fine’”, but ultimately concluded: “them seeing him like that is not ok. Never.” Another commenter, u/Guilty_Ad3263, flagged the recency of the girlfriend’s involvement, saying this “is an extremely unsafe environment to put the kids in.”
Other comments went further: u/my1stComputerWasC64 suggested the alcohol could have been adulterated moonshine, implying serious medical risk, and u/Intelcourier urged the OP to call CPS immediately and have the wife go to court for full custody, arguing, “You are never wrong to take steps to protect children.” The tenor of the replies skews toward protecting the kids, with many arguing the situation crosses a threshold from parental irresponsibility into neglect or endangerment.
Why this feels so raw, and why it’s messy
There are multiple emotional strands here that tug hard. First, there’s the visceral fear: the image of a parent out of commission and kids left to manage anxiety, confusion, and potential danger is terrifying. Second, there’s the betrayal and worry for boundaries in blended families, the OP is stepping into a conflict that directly affects their stepchildren and their spouse, which raises questions about responsibility and influence over legal choices.
Third, the past accusations about sexual assault and the dad’s ongoing substance issues make this about more than a single night; it feels like a pattern. But patterns don’t automatically translate into legal action: courts require evidence, CPS needs a credible allegation they can act on, and lives can be upended by a report. That complexity is likely why the mother feels stuck, and why the OP feels compelled to act.
What To Take From This
This Reddit post is a reminder that protecting kids can involve ugly, uncomfortable decisions. If you’re in the OP’s shoes, you don’t have to guess whether a call to child services is allowed, CPS exists to investigate reports where children may have been endangered. The children gave specific, consistent details: impaired parent, physical injuries to the home, extended incapacitation, and being watched by a new partner rather than a responsible, sober guardian. Those are exactly the kinds of facts that could justify a report.
That said, balance matters. Document what the kids told you, when they told you, and any physical signs you observe. Talk to your spouse about the steps you both feel safe taking together, but recognize that if her reluctance stems from system fatigue rather than an appraisal of risk, you may need to act separately. If you file, be clear that you’re reporting what the children said and why it worried you. If you don’t, consider safer interim steps: keeping the kids with you when possible, talking to school staff or a pediatrician if you’re worried about their welfare, and gathering anything that might support a later legal claim if the pattern continues.
Ultimately, the question at the heart of this post is simple and brutal: when is protecting children worth upsetting the fragile peace of a family? When a parent’s impairment puts kids at real risk, most people, including many commenters in the thread, will say it’s worth making the call. You may not get a tidy resolution, but you may prevent something irreversible. If you’re hesitating, start by writing down exactly what the children reported and seeking advice from a local child welfare hotline; it’s a small step that preserves your options and centers the kids’ safety first.
