15 Things People Do When They Hear Something Go Bump in the Night
It’s late. You’re comfy. Suddenly, what was that? Your house just made a noise that could only mean one thing: imminent doom, or at least a squirrel with questionable morals.
Before you start googling “best ways to survive a haunted house,” let’s take a look at all the ways people hilariously react to mysterious sounds in their homes.
Pretend it’s the house settling and not a ghost auditioning for a role
Hear a weird creak or thud? No biggie, just the house settling. Definitely not a ghost rehearsing for its big break.
Imagine your house as an old actor, taking a dramatic bow after a long day.
That creak? Just the stage settling, not a spooky ghost dropping a monologue.
Next time the walls groan, picture them auditioning for “Best Supporting Structure.”
No need to grab a flashlight and a baseball bat. It’s just your house humming its own strange tune, not casting for a horror show.
Grab the nearest object like you’re about to star in an action movie
Your brain flips into action mode, suddenly, you’re the hero, and your trusty weapon is… a spatula?
You clutch your “weapon” like it’s a high-tech gadget, ready to take on whatever lurks in the shadows.
Sure, a cereal box probably won’t save you, but at least you look cool.
Channel your inner action star, even if you’re mostly just scaring the dog.
Turn on every light in the house and then wonder why the electric bill is so high
Weird noise? Solution: turn your home into Times Square.
Every room, hallway, and closet gets lit up like a Christmas tree.
Then you get the electric bill and realize your lights had a secret party at your expense.
Maybe next time try a single lamp, unless you’re aiming for a disco vibe.
Quietly whisper, ‘Who’s there?’ like a spooky podcast host
You whisper, “Who’s there?” like you’re hosting a midnight ghost story podcast.
It adds drama, and maybe the noise will be too confused to answer.
Pretend you have an audience hanging on every word.
If there’s no answer, just keep narrating your own suspenseful story.
Blame the noise on the cat, even if you don’t have one
“That’s just the cat,” you say, to no one in particular.
You don’t have a cat, but why let facts ruin your cover story?
Invisible felines make the perfect scapegoats for mysterious bumps in the night.
Sometimes, you even hear phantom meows. Totally normal.
Slowly inch towards the noise with the caution of a ninja on a sugar rush
You tiptoe like a ninja who just ate a pound of candy.
Every step is slow, but your brain is racing a mile a minute.
You imagine yourself as a stealth hero but sound more like a clumsy squirrel.
Just don’t trip over the imaginary cat.
Call a friend just to have someone freak out with you
You dial up your bravest friend—because panic is best shared.
Describe the noise like it’s straight out of a horror movie.
Your friend joins the freak-out, and suddenly you’re not alone in your terror.
If the noise comes back, you both freeze and debate who’s going to check it out first.
Check the basement because the weird noise is definitely a ‘basement vibe’
The basement: where all weird noises are born.
Pipes, water heaters, and creaky floors love to throw a rager down there.
Grab a flashlight and prepare to face the mysterious concert happening below your feet.
Just don’t expect the “band” to stop playing anytime soon.
Make a mental note to never buy an old house again
That creak? Just your house reminding you it’s got more character than you bargained for.
Old homes are basically subscription boxes for mystery noises.
You didn’t ask for a haunted soundtrack, but here you are.
Next time, you’re buying a tent.
Have a moment of panic then convince yourself it’s just the plumbing acting up
Your heart races—ghost? Burglar? Nope, just the pipes doing their best impression of a horror movie soundtrack.
Plumbing loves to gurgle and clunk at the worst possible times.
You tell yourself, “It’s just the pipes,” and try to believe it.
If pipes had a Spotify playlist, it would be called “Jump Scares for Homeowners.”
You grab your phone, ready to become TikTok’s next ghost hunter.
Fumble with the camera, blind yourself with the flashlight, and drop the phone.
Whisper, “Is someone there?” while hoping for a viral moment.
If nothing else, you’ll have a video of your own panic to laugh at later.
Reenact every horror movie scene in your head and prepare for battle
You become the main character in a horror movie—minus the soundtrack and budget.
Grip your broom and practice your most dramatic scream.
Every shadow is suddenly suspicious.
You’re ready for battle, even if the only monster is your own imagination.
Pretend the noise is just your imagination while secretly plotting an escape route
“It’s nothing, just my imagination,” you say, while mentally mapping out your escape.
Front door? Locked. Window? Jammed. Basement? Only if you want to meet the noise head-on.
You’re basically a secret agent, ready to dive-roll out the nearest exit.
If anyone asks, you’re just stretching—definitely not preparing to flee from a haunted lamp.
While pretending you’re calm, you’re already rehearsing how to explain your sudden disappearance if that weird noise gets any louder.
“Oh, that? Just a friendly ghost, I’m good.” Sounds solid.
Open a window and whisper, “If you’re an intruder, please take my bills instead”
Ever heard a weird noise at night and instantly turned into a ninja with a questionable sense of humor? Next time, try opening a window and whispering, “If you’re an intruder, please take my bills instead.”
Honestly, who wouldn’t want to offload those overdue credit card statements? It’s like saying, “Here, enjoy my never-ending pile of adult responsibilities.”
Just don’t get too enthusiastic with your whispering. You’re aiming for mysterious and hilarious, not “Here I am, come find me!”
Picture the burglar’s face—utter confusion, maybe a little sympathy, and hopefully a quick exit with nothing but your electric bill.
Set up a live stream to prove to the world you’re living in a haunted mansion
Ever been home alone and heard a noise that made you wonder if you should call a priest or just your mom? Instead of hiding under the covers, why not grab your phone and set up a live stream?
Invite the internet to join your personal episode of “Is My House Haunted, or Do I Just Need to Clean?” Pick a platform like YouTube or Twitch—they’re easy to use and, let’s be honest, your cat videos aren’t going viral anyway.
Aim your camera at the creepiest spot in your house. If you’ve got a night vision filter, now’s your time to shine (or glow eerily green).
Don’t forget a ridiculous title like “Ghosts Caught Mid-Snack” or “Haunted? Or Just the Plumbing?” That way, even if nothing happens, people will stick around for the laughs.
Sit back, try not to scream at your own reflection, and prepare for your fifteen minutes of internet fame. Just remember: if you go viral for chatting with your own shadow, you’re officially a legend.
