12 Pantry Staples That Only Make Sense During a Zombie Apocalypse
Ever peeked into your pantry and wondered if you’re preparing for a dinner party or the end of the world? Turns out, most of us are one expired can away from being survivalists, or at least, from starring in our own episode of “Pantry Hoarders: Quarantine Edition.”
Let’s take a hilarious stroll through the shelves of shame and see what oddball items we’re all guilty of keeping “just in case.” Don’t worry, no one’s judging your secret stash of 2010 walnuts.
Expired canned tuna you definitely won’t touch
You have that can of tuna sitting in the back of your pantry. It’s past its expiration date, smelling like a science experiment gone wrong.
You know it’s there “just in case,” but let’s be honest, you won’t touch it. The moment you open it, your nose will say otherwise.
Keeping expired canned tuna is like keeping that weird mystery gift you never asked for. It’s more of a pantry ghost than actual food.
Mystery jar of dried ghost peppers
You might find a jar of dried ghost peppers lurking in your pantry. Maybe you bought it on a dare or thought you’d feel brave one day.
Either way, it’s there, staring at you, daring you to try it. One tiny speck can send your taste buds into a fiery panic.
You keep it just in case you want to impress friends, or clear a room quickly. Keep some milk nearby, your poor mouth will thank you.
A suspiciously old jar of pickles
You open your pantry and there it is, a jar of pickles that looks like it might be older than your house. You’re not sure how it ended up there or if it’s even safe to eat.
Maybe you keep it around because pickles are weirdly comforting. Or maybe it’s the hope that one day, that jar will come in handy during a pickle emergency.
Sometimes you stare at the jar and wonder if it’s gone bad. But then you think, “What if it’s a rare vintage pickle?”
That random bag of quinoa you swore you’d cook
You bought quinoa because it felt healthy and fancy. It promised you a quick, nutritious meal, but somehow it’s still sitting there, untouched.
It’s like that one silent party guest who never gets invited to dance. You swear you’ll use it “just in case” you suddenly turn into a salad chef.
Maybe you’ll toast it or stir it into something. Or maybe it’s just there to remind you of your ambitious food goals.
Canned peaches from the apocalypse
You never know when a sweet bite of canned peaches might save your sanity. They’re the apocalypse snack with a sunny twist, sticky fingers guaranteed.
These golden orbs sit quietly in your pantry, waiting for the moment when life gets weird. When the power’s out and your fridge is just a fond memory, these peaches become your fruity heroes.
Plus, they’re easy to open, no fancy tools needed, just a can opener and maybe a little hope. And if you’re desperate, the syrup doubles as a quick sugar fix or a sticky reminder that summer happened once.
A lonely box of instant ramen no one admits to eating
You know that sad little box of instant ramen hiding in the back of your pantry? The one you keep just in case life throws you a curveball?
Maybe it’s because instant ramen gets a bad rap. It’s cheap, quick, and let’s be honest, pretty plain.
But when your stove breaks or you’re too tired to cook, that lonely package becomes your unexpected hero. Deep down, you know it’s your go-to comfort food on lazy days.
Expired baking powder because it ‘might still work’
You know that little can of baking powder hiding in your pantry with an expiration date from when flip phones were popular? Yep, that one.
Some folks hold onto it, thinking it might still work “just in case” they need to bake a cake in a pinch. The problem is, baking powder loses its power over time.
Your muffins might turn out flatter than your enthusiasm for cleaning the pantry. But let’s be honest, you might keep it around anyway, just for the thrill of baking roulette.
If you’re brave, test it by mixing some in water. If it bubbles, you’re good. If not, toss it and save yourself the sad cake story.
Jar of shelled walnuts from 2010
You open your pantry and spot a jar of shelled walnuts dated 2010. Yes, that’s right—ancient walnuts just sitting there, like a forgotten fossil.
You keep it “just in case” because, you know, what if modern walnuts suddenly disappear? That jar has been patiently waiting. It’s like a time capsule for squirrels.
If you crack one open, be ready for a taste that’s more memory lane than fresh snack. At least it’s a conversation starter when someone asks about the oldest thing in your kitchen.
A bottle of fancy olive oil from a cooking class you skipped
You bought that bottle of fancy olive oil because you planned to become a chef. Turns out, you skipped the cooking class and now the olive oil is just sitting there.
The label says “extra virgin” and “cold pressed,” which sounds impressive. You’ve never actually used it for anything fancy.
Every time you open the pantry, you almost feel guilty for not cracking it open. That bottle? It’s your pantry’s version of a forgotten trophy.
A random pouch of dehydrated mushrooms
You never thought you’d be the type to keep dehydrated mushrooms in your pantry, but here we are. That little pouch sits there, quietly judging your snack choices while waiting for actual use.
Dehydrated mushrooms are like the mysterious flavor ninjas of your kitchen. Just in case you need to turn bland soup or sad pasta into something sort of fancy, you’ve got them ready.
Sometimes, you even forget they exist until you find them buried behind the cereal boxes. Then you either feel inspired to cook or question your pantry’s organizational skills.
A packet of gluten-free pasta no one in the house is gluten-free
You don’t have celiac disease. No one in your house does either.
Yet, there’s that lonely packet of gluten-free pasta staring back at you from the pantry. It’s like the safety blanket of carbs—there just in case the gluten police come knocking.
Maybe you bought it because it was on sale. Or maybe you thought, “Hey, what if a gluten-free guest shows up?”
Every time you open the cupboard, it gives you the side-eye, reminding you it’s there and ready to go… just in case. You’re not sure what “just in case” means exactly, but hey, it makes your pantry feel prepared.
That bizarre can of coconut cream nobody remembers buying
There it is. Tucked behind the stale crackers and a jar of olives you swear you’ve never met, a can of coconut cream.
You blink at it. The coconut cream blinks back (or maybe that’s just the fluorescent light).
Did you buy it for a curry night that never happened? Were you planning to impress someone with a tropical dessert?
Now it’s just chilling, probably older than your favorite hoodie, biding its time like a contestant on a reality show.
It sits among all the other “just in case” pantry items, silently judging your midnight snack choices.
Should you toss it? Or is this the year coconut cream finally gets its big break?
For now, it remains: the coconut ghost of pantry past, haunting your shelves and your dinner ideas.
